I am too strong. When the person who could make me vulnerable again came, I have fucked things over because I couldn't accept the fact that somebody could weaken me again. Maybe I am too strong that I already forgot to lower myself down.

At first, all I thought was forgetting about all the pain. Then, I became too full of myself that I forgot what it was like to let my guard down and let somebody in to let him take care of me.

It just sucked so bad, and it pained me more.

I am trying to resist everything --- Longing, searching for something vague, or rather something I couldn't accept to myself. I hate waking up in the morning, touching the cold, empty side of my bed. It feels shit existing in a world filled with things that would incidentally remind me of him. I hate it --- that feeling of almost tearing my face off my head. I think resisted too much.

It doesn't make me strong at all. Therefore, I am, also weak. Weak on trying to be weak. Weak on exposing myself off. Weak in every aspect that I thought I was strong.

I couldn't just accept the fact that I am falling deep enough with somebody I barely knew. Maybe, this is just an extreme infatuation. It can't be love. Infatuation, oh how I hate that word.

Here I am, broken hearted without even telling him what and how I feel. I have never felt this sullen since I could remember. I am alone, with my cigarette, uttering the words "I was weak after all".

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